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Has autism touched your family or the family of someone you know? It is likely sooner or later. Is this a disaster? How do families feel? How should you act or feel toward them? What if YOUR child was diagnosed with autism?
Autism is defined as a neurobiological disorder that affects physical, social, and language skills. It may manifest itself as aversion or indifference to touching and affection, repeated gestures or noises, and a desire for order and a lack of change in the environment, etc. It occurs in about 8 in 10,000 people and three times more likely in boys than in girls. It is rare, but some may develop specific talents in math or music or some other area. It gives them the appearance of brilliance, but it is on one area. With a little observation, it can be seen that there are great holes in abilities of simple skills we take for granted. The Dustin Hoffman character in “Rainman” is an example of an autistic adult with specific abilities. He might be able to memorize phone books and do calculations, but he could not think conceptually. What is larger, six or nine? Etc. The least severe may function relatively normally but suffer exquisite pain from certain sounds or sensations. They may need directions given as a single unit because they cannot go back part-way and make a correction and continue the process. Some may stare into space or have an unusual attraction to spinning objects. Some people can be very creative in an area but have no control over the small details of life. Are those idiosyncrasies or symptoms of autism? Such a continuum makes it difficult to differentiate.
So what do you do if you meet someone with autism or someone who is raising someone with autism? To phrase it in the negative: Don’t judge! Don’t measure! And don’t give up! Don’t judge the parents as if they were the cause of the autism. Don’t judge the “misbehavior” of the autistic child. Don’t decide the child is unhappy or unloving because they don’t show you affection in the usual way. They may quietly welcome you to their special world and be glad for the comfort and order that exists because of you.
Don’t measure or compare the autistic child to other siblings or other children in the neighborhood. Don’t regret the “missed milestones.” The autistic child doesn’t. Childhood is an enjoyable time. Theirs may be extended or perpetual. Enjoy it with them. Look for his own milestones and small victories. Teach your other children and friends to appreciate diversity and specialness. This is a SPECIAL person- not one that needs pity or pampering. Include the autistic child in your life; don’t turn your family inward and build your lives around him. If you need a break, take it. Use hospice or any other resource that allows you time when you need it. It is NOT selfish. It is healthy to take care of you, yourself.
Finally, don’t give up. We ALL learn and find joy in the little things throughout our lives. Have patience to re-teach anything and everything. If you raise a child with autism you will find immeasurable joy. Childhood may be extended. Small victories will be poignant. You will give love one way and possibly receive it back differently. In words often used in education, you will find the experience “special” and “exceptional.”
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